Sanza The Maid

     Alright uh, lets fucking catch up! So its been a second since we've seen eachother hasn't it void? A few things have happened but in best order ADHD-minding lets start from the beginning. I think we left off on friday which was a pretty fucking bad spiral day so I just played some WF and napped the fuck out, Saturday was a lot of shit surprisingly so the first big thing was a family member of Kit had a baby shower so we had to go out there, it was a fucking mormon one there was a bishop there, the prego bitch was like..17? Of course stereotypically the sperm donor was a mexican kid trying too much to look "hard" though I'm jealous...he kept sneaking off to "use the restroom" and came back less sober everytime of course the mormonites couldn't fathom someone doing that, food was okay but we ate before because we weren't sure if it was food or "food" and you show up and its all FUCKING APPETIZERS the small as shit kind too. Luckily i...

On brighter notes my Boi Oberon in warfare got reworked! Which is awesome since he was my main there was probably a lot of symbolism in the fact I force femmed him and....I'll probably never touch him again tbh, more importantly his Smite [Subsume ability if you don't play the game basically like a gacha game you can get more than one copy of the character and if you have a spare you can sacrifice them to give a designated ability to another character] is a Hella good armor strip that stuns for finishers which is...what my Khora needed [my second main*] but now that a great damage booster [you can modify smite to enhance your weapons as well] has armor strip and stuns [she has a finisher build] there's quite literally no reason not to put it on my Khora and just main her instead. Plus damage is cool and all but the fact she can multiply respurce drops Ina farming ass game is literally too useful  ---- Drunk, miss Eevee but I think this is for the best, can't keep vanish...

      I've been lulled between states, all my emotions are burning too hot in all directions I feel like I'm coming undone. As for my work I was a part time supervisor, pitched a fever at the meeting I wasn't complacent like my kin, I demanded resolutions for the problems plaguing our site and I didn't yield so now I've been "given the tools" but also an overwhelming responsibility to single handedly renew my shift and bring them to a new standard. This is a pointless task in a dead end nowhere job for nobody narcissist to feel like their peaking at middle management is something to be celebrated and drunk on. Now I;m caught in their dumb games they require constant updates and directly seek me [with the hopes of punishing on my failure] for every minor issue on the shift that is normally a rug sweep for the other shifts. I won't lie probably not great for me in my current state but I'll be damned if I lose to them.     I used to fear my mother whe...

I drank myself till i passed out, I think I'm getting worse. It wasn't a need for alcohol before you wonder although I admit I consume too much, it was just getting too...loud I know self medicating with alcohol is so last season I should choose a new character flaw that's less cliche. Plus alcohol has so many calories...ugh I need the gym. I dont...like pushing people away I just can't stand them seeing me like this and I know, we all run out of good faith people don't like being yo-yo'd and eventually they stop coming back. I know this all already unfortunately through explosive experience. I was hoping I was getting better, that my rationale would win and despite how awful my head got I could still cosplay as okay and fit in with everyone.  I feel like a show that's been on too long, the plot was lost and now they're ramming random bullshit into the show yo make it go on, I wouldn't say I'm suicidal per say but I don't exactly like I exist...

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         Had a bunch of things written on my hand in pen thatI wanted to explore and talk about, then I had a poem I wanted to write. However time is not kind to us who struggle to exist inthe present Ill try to go over them as I recall them throughout the day, as in for my day to day since we last spoke not much to say everythings fallen into the low hum of a rhythm life likes to assume if you let it, the sort of song with no notes, choir or change just a buzz. Its killing me. even though I have no pack or pact currently I need to hunt {I need to kill the noise}   atleast what its become, I know its considered unhealthy when you start to enjoy your mental illness but I was thinking about it, so come inside my little pillow fort and lets talk                         Beautiful Princess Disorder [BPD]     First all I hate littles I think its an excuse to retreat and hide from...

Welcome   This is kinda an inbetween place when I wanna place something thats not really blog related, these will be filled till "Too long" then a new one will be made, this is purely auxiliary and no "Big lore" will be placed here just some flashback or side stuff  Puppy paladin made me stand in the corner because I made a racist jokes ;-; it was a good one too... I think the most amount of time between something being left out and me eating it is 26 hours in my experience. [Memory unlock:] I think maybe I used to be autistic I mean arguably if you ask some people I still carry tendencies but I remember as a kid being overwhelmed to the point I always looked at the world in like a 45 degree angle down and one day I just got..tired of it? I looked up and it was overwhelming, I remember it seemed so bright and too many shapes, so many shapes, so much color too much to take in but I decided I wanted to drown in the stream, I guess that explains me today? I love being...

 I think my favorite type of music in games is always the ice level/world music especially if its a lil more artsy of a game they always get that "Cold purity" correct if there was a world with ya know abilities and stuff especially elemental based I'd like Ice [I always figured ironically enough that ice mages would actually have flame imbued clothing to make sure they weren't uncomfortable while casting so in a yin-yang sorta way red would be associated with ice mages because of that and blue/white  with flame mages because they need cooling robes maybe Ill rant about my views on "cool magic  systems later on or tonight pending] I know damn well I'd be stuck with light my least favorite don't even get to be cool and edgy with shadow powers [Though im a strong believer that much like electricity and magnetism are intricate part of the same system for example instead of ice/fire mages it would be temputura since you're actually on the heat/cold spectr...

     Sorry beloved void been a second but god damn have I been feeling more me I feel like I can taste the copper and blood in the leylines, the heartbeat of the earth, feel like the moon's movements are tied withing my own is your maid having a manic episode, schizophrenic break or has their mana been finally freed and they can cast again! Cast your votes by texting XXX-209-1110 anywho so its been a busy past two days actually doing supervisor stuff means I actually have to [pay attention] which kinda sucks but it is what it is, been semi-keeping up with going to exercise every 1-3 days much like my blog it turns out when you actually start putting consistent activities into your life you have to start juggling your time more so anything big since we last spoke? I guess my [redacted] is cool, she's going to F-night a stray dog tradition this month so they might actually become a friend so need to Christian them a name for the blog...honestly they talk in new-gen speak a ...

      Passage of time is weird, some days the past feels like an iota of a sleeping beastie of somekind, so artificial and fleeting and sometimes the past can't seem to stop haunting me guess it more depends on which one of me is the one that wakes up that day in all honestly, tryna listen to all the advice iv'e received this chapter, be more me even the parts that may not be fan favorites, as for the projects guitar is slow but steady I'm just pleased I'm not feeling any enthusiasm fall off, learning Python has been kinda fun its a lot to take in but being able to basically WEILD a type of magic I can actually see do shit is so much fun I hated trying to learn to code when I was younger but I'm having much more of a blast now, just think I wasn't in the right head space for that sort of thing to be absolutely candid. Honestly blog writing has helped in two main ways, I was never good at the memorizing the keyboard thing when I was a kiddo so I never did I wasn...

     Long time no see beloved void'o mine, well its been a wild weekend but a much needed one so we start on friday which I now have off which kinda sucks for puppy paladin she got shafted in thetrade so it'll proabably go the way of the Borzoid but I'm happy for them and their current partner regardless oh! Speaking of Borzoid I guess they've decided to try and reclaim me partially so I guess expect more Borzoid adventures this friday we went to a furry rave which was super fun! I defo need more punk spikes and chains to go with my outfits but I still got a decent amount of interaction and it was super fun! Sadly no hard drugs just lots of grass and alcohol X3 the music was already not bad, not great accidently broke a lot of props but no one noticed as well as got some Kandi braceltes and me and Borzy made one for eacother and exchanged which goes into my rules, any accessory/jewerlygiven to me with any sincererity must be worn till broken, yes even in the shower..mos...

 So I guess saying "Daily" blog post was a half truth [as all things are in life] its a more 1-3 days then post, anyways I'll tell you guys my dream since Puppy Paladin is so dick-whipped I don't even have a conversation with them unless its talking about their boyfriend which is...getting tiring? Like I'm happy for her, candidly and sincerely but I can't listen day in and out about a guy who seems pretty standard fare good-stuff and its pretty much eradicating any time we used to hang out, which is ironic and funny because they keep going "don't worry I'm making sure this relationship doesn't impede on the other people in my life" which again is fine, I don't mind when people delude themselves or are hypocritical in non-damaging ways when we pretend we're incapable of that ourselves thats when we lie to oursleves the most ya know? We are parts of our sins and thats okay speaking of which random background like 7 years ago I made ...

      Falsified Erudition and Glamourized Wounds.             Sometimes I feel so caught up in my own asinine pseudo-logics and coping mechanisms I have to remember that its all....padding ya know? Life is prety blank, theres no genres, no show, no anything. Just a bunch of somewhat hurt people either tryna pass on that hurt, get sadisitic/masochistic or ameliorate and sometimes the truth of the world is unsatisfactory and frankly? Boring.   Sometimes it happened for no reason, sometimes th magic thinking is what we have to do to hold onto the idea that life will get better that there is a "plot twist" to make the hurt of the now worth it, honestly does it matter in the end? In the granduer of the eon its several trillion years since the start, quadrillions till the end, we'll probably as a race exist for less than a percent of that and as individuals exist even less than an afterhought and with my own belief systems ...

WOOH WE HIT IT TEN POSTS [first one doesn't count cuz that was just testing the water] good jobteam! Ngl kinda abosolutely ssloshed rN so don't expect too much, today was just sleeping till 5PM like a loser cuz I took a nyquil last night since my noussy [nose pussy] was so fucking PACKEd that I couldn't breeathe so I big eeped and then like a professional vicitim my drem was about ebing someone who beleeived in a monotheastitc religion when it was banned? w i l d but it exploreed a lor more themes [speak about my dreams like bad indie films lul] but yeah existing wild right? remember never get hung up on a moment orrisk becoming a hzabin [thats now trademarked you gotta type has-been] but yeah, me now. So I played with my girlfriendStarling some icebreaker game that was kinda fun ngl  also if you're wondering when it turns from "o-X- to '1-X] its when the episode's vibe changes, tahts them the rules its based on the season and I started this blog in season....