Sanza The Maid

 Long time no see, I wish I had just great things to say, so we'll start with the good, I've been going to the gym for four days straight, my apartment is cleaner and arguably safe for humans to live in and I'm pretty close to snowbear,unfortunately that was the positive and I really wish this was just a caseof "internet persona goes missing because their life panned out" but I doubt anyone checks this after vanishing for so long so onto the not so great, I've nasically dwindled down to one friend that being snowy and I'm feeling it, dawg I am feeling it, I've continued my self harm and started slowly crawling back into my psychosis that I had managed to escape in my teens, good news is I wasn't drinking while going to the gy, also my fucking hormones are all outta whack cuz im a poor bitchwhich means couldnt get my stupid medication so thats..been fun. So its just me and you again void, been in my head, reviewing a lot of my life to this point, th...

 I don't really have much to say been tryna clean the aprtment, got into practicing self-harm which is hella baller gotta say didbn't get it before but the cuting really does actually still everything for a few minutes..them it goes right back so gotta mix some drinking in there if you wanna get anywhere uh, fuck dude I don't know. I don't even gotta kill myself the Gestapo will do it for me. Your ever-liminal maid, Malacoda.

 Been throwing up a lot, not doing great, finally broke up with Kit not super great, honestly tried my hardest but only working 3 months in a 14 month period and paying a total of 200$ in rent when I said I wanted a 50/50 relationship [and still making me do all the chores] wasn't gonna work, can't be trapped like that, not again meaning that now that I appraoch being 25 I've given literally all the entirety of my youth to taking care of white girls named [###], thats 4+ years of my life I won't get back, fuck me. like... Fuck. No website or anything this month Either king broke down, stilll needs tires and I had to replace his battery. I'm living the god damn dream, uh don't have a round table anymore different reason for all of them and my world feels smaller and smaller which is fun   my chest feels like im gonna have a heart attack constantly, constantly wanna throw up and like fuck dawg  I'm not sure how I'm making it, wasn't supposed to pussied...

  This isn’t a story, atleast not in the traditional sense of an introduction, growth, climax, twist and then ending. Its a subtle but desperate attempt to actually exit for a brief moment in a shape that perhaps, maybe, with uncertainty I can be seen, being seen is always a fun phrase I think we all say “to be seen” but I think maybe by expecting strictly coherent words from one another we’ve shackled eachother into mundanity I atleast don’t think that when we get to the soft...ichor/nectar/blood that flows like syrup of our persona and personalities [I think these are different things that due to the nature of our world be develop in tandem, personality is the actual us, the actual me and you the ones that are selfish not in a malicious way but that constantly yearn even if its illogical/destructive and then the persona is the slit-filled mask we put on top that lets whatever we deem "safe"/Productive/Comfortable/non-hazardous enough to pour through into the outer-reality] ...

So this account's like "partially recovered"  so thats cool, I'vew been like half posting on the new hub and I've just been thinking this blog has probably been good for me, even though I'm sure theres only like one bot that keeps refreshing my pages as it scrapes all data of me and thats where my views come from the false-sense of parascoiality is still there so between hre and the Ace site I'll porbably still sporadically post im excited so yes [show hole] os...fuck tomorrow already spooky shit I did get a new maid dress so not the worst, uh lets see what else I'm friends again with Charlotte not best friends...we're okay though its...a lot I won't lie I did have a suicide plan this new years but then I accidentally told Kit and Charlotte when drunk obviously they weren't happy so I'm tryna be normal but FUCK its hard whn it feels like you're literally incompatible with the universe ya know? linkto.run/p/W0NSIK2K Also thats just a...

 So apparently google fucking sucks if your phone suddenly breaks and you didn't have proper recovery uh you're just Fucked   So I'll be linking a new Blog/Linktree this week onto this post, I can't really move all these posts over to the new account so I'll just create a link to this page as a sort of legacy vault-ass thing but yeah google get fucked I guess. Might make my own webpage inspired by something recently.  Alright I have "Enough" access to my account that it serves as archive but for any actual use its pretty much SOL, so I'm gonna be moving to a new G-account which obv means gonna be a new blog and shit, love y'all my weird ass voidlings and I'll post the new shit soon, mama's gotta fix her BRAND IMAGE and ACTAULLY PROGRESS/MAKE SHIT/SHOW HOLE https://sanzathemaid.ace.me ^ Not new blog but gonna be my new hub moving foward [or until this doomed startup dies and I find a new home], am posting things there though