0-20
Alright uh, lets fucking catch up! So its been a second since we've seen eachother hasn't it void? A few things have happened but in best order ADHD-minding lets start from the beginning. I think we left off on friday which was a pretty fucking bad spiral day so I just played some WF and napped the fuck out, Saturday was a lot of shit surprisingly so the first big thing was a family member of Kit had a baby shower so we had to go out there, it was a fucking mormon one there was a bishop there, the prego bitch was like..17? Of course stereotypically the sperm donor was a mexican kid trying too much to look "hard" though I'm jealous...he kept sneaking off to "use the restroom" and came back less sober everytime of course the mormonites couldn't fathom someone doing that, food was okay but we ate before because we weren't sure if it was food or "food" and you show up and its all FUCKING APPETIZERS the small as shit kind too. Luckily it was real so the bag of burgers I got from Artic Circle was a mousekatool for later [sure thats how you spell it], also dude it was set for 1PM and she didnt come out till nearly 3PM and it was so hot ;-; my fluff makes me melt in the heat..[speaking of fluff we'll talk about that near the end], [[Side track: being a super has fucked up both my blog, gift card game and especially my doulingo streaks @-@ more importantly I actually smoke again, atleast aura points right?] Does it sometimes feel like the author changes post to post, sounds like poor character consistency. so we deal with the shower, I was hoping we'd all get a turn with the hose to shower the baby but they meant shower the host with gifts [ba-dum-tss] after this we head home, napped for a sec and prepped for phase [2] Slay the Hatred, so Kit's brother is younger [20] and hasn't quite found their place in the world while being raised conservative they haven't downed the kool-aid, only sipped so that was the goal take them to Fetish Night and hopefully they get wordly enough I don't have to pop him in the revolution.
[Redacted] --> Ember
"How many times can one sing Ken Aschorp before being known as the Ken Ashcorp bitch?" Sometimes I can't tell if this is a literal journal, a metaphysical exploration of emotion or a synopsis because I have poor memory maybe its all of the above. So lets get into the night I admit I was bad at tending to the child -w-, after all Ember [thank god, I was tired of being the only who drank when going out] was pre-gaming for me and that poor, poor woman she doesn't know I have a demonic pact with Dionysius and tried to keep up..[also her genetics are totally against her] so we get SLOSHED before heading out, I get slightly crossed and you know I'm THRUMMING with the song of the night, the moon flashes behind my eyes and the world is my flesh to render and savor. Needless to say I was starting a civil war between all the cat-maids and dog-maid girls at the club, if we didn't leave early I genuinely think I could've gotten them to brawl in the parking lot....C'est la vi, oh me and Ember played pool against two near-nudists and...lost...hard, I admit mostly my fault! I had a good three ball streak then..hit the ball off the table eh..what can I say had to give them a fair shot! We had to leave cuz Kit had a lil mental break [no harm to her, all stray dogs survive by laying our shortcomings into one another and accepting them] so we left early, Ember violently vomited behind a dumpster but you know what they say, its not a good night at the club until someone either cries or vomits~ We all hang for a second, get some Taco Bell, I watch Fast and Furious for the first time with Kit. Honestly 10 out of 10 night hell even the fact we left cuz a schizo break felt like...home, I think while it won't be the same as my original one I need to let go of the rope to the past when it comes to what I miss and try seeing whats new, it won't be the same maybe not even as great but..it can be mine as long as I'm willing. Also had a deep talk with Red, oh Red you confuse me constantly, we know eachother way too deeply and long for the type of sick beasts we are I think I've felt every emotion about you to their pinnacle,
others I feel like a complete stranger and foreigner an eternal
second to your conquest of hearts, nothing but a banner to return to
between defeats..I suppose time will tell, especially when we reunite
this Halloween, much to the jealousy of everyone else it seems.
Also if you're gonna write me songs, put a lil more angst into them ;P
Side thought, I'm not complaining I mean that in sincerity but when I
created this blog it was more or less meant to be screams into the void meant to be lost forever and now some people have actually seen it [this pertains later] this has caused an..effect, artistic integrity I know I don't have the gospel perspective of the world, I can only have my truth and version of events and as more people see this I've decided even if it leads to an awkward conversation in my daily life every now and then to continue as I've been conducting this..even if Snowy keeps harassing me about my intial reaction to her as ascribed in this hellsite~ Truth is I've never been an expressive person, I've relayed that before so that won't be an iota we focus on [love the word Iota, if anyone knows great expressions for explaining the different types of thoughts I'd love input] instead I'll focus on my original statement: This blog may not be always factual, I sometimes may carry unflattering opinions of people that may see this or miscall something, either way even if you see a thought I wouldn't say directly to you its still my thoughts and I take responsibility, I always say I want to live sincerely and candid, I understand that means sometimes I'll spill the hearts of those around me and in return they'll spill me. I forgive you, as I was once told; I'll hurt you and you'll hurt me, to grown and learn one another is to find and understand eachothers thorns.
As for the rest of the night its all just me mostly messing with strangers either enchanting them or filling them with paranoia as I wear my shell less and less I notice these are more often the two reactions I get its getting better when I was younger I wished nothing more to be normal, join the cattle of society but I..enjoy my thirdness now, the fact I don't exist at or between any of the points gives me a unique perspective and experience only I get to have, maybe its coping but I guess I'm glad I turned into me at the end even if its because of a thousand wounds that I can't close and when it gets too quiet and sober haunt me.
[Oh yeah haven't really heard from Puppy Paladin in ages, probably gonna be on their own spin off show at this rate.] [Supposed to catch up with Lucky, still gone from round table..think thats all the side plots]
This leads into the next section, we're now on sunday [Honestly there will probably be a post tomorrow because I have a lot of auxiliary more notion items rather than actual physical life stuff I wanna get through before I die and switch to another Sanza again] it seems my blog inspired interests out of someone who now has entered my life, sporadic and unwell but..I understand they're in the same pit I was once, the one I wished someone woudl've saved me from no matter the cost before I devoured myself instead and became the Sanza you know and have ambivalence in all directions about [Hope more good than bad though~] feeling a lot better, managed to time my parry correctly on that spiral that was starting so I'll be okay for the next...maybe....an amount of time more than [1]. I think I just feel like I want to keep my life full, I need to exist and slowing down into my own stupor and running out of content ;3, nah but having nothing to write in my blog does put things in perspective so I'm gonna be back on the horse, guitar/gym/coding not because im totally cured of the spiral but because I WANT to, and if theres one thing I'm good at its asserting my influence on the situation. More importanly on losing Fluff, I hate my body, I want literally NO ONE to see it at all times but in order to amend this at the end of october I'm starting an OF, thats right future Sanza squirm out of this one, I'm sure theres some psych breakdown with literally blackmailing yourself but thats the plan. Plus I know like atleast four people who unironically would buy it so thats like...60$, and in the age old adage 20$ is not enough for anything these days. I think that covers Sunday....
TODAY IS MONDAY [Technically tuesday by the time I post this] Met with the new kid, they seem fine but I think theres a lot of work to be done, I'm hoping I can be a reliable support network for them even if my own resources are stretched thin, more WF, big sleeping and work getting used to having more responsibility but this is gonna have irreversable affects on my personality @^@ I hate getting charges because I have a drowning sense of duty, so if I think I'm bound to something that's that.
Alright well thats all for now, lots more for tomorrow but I gotta get back to work.
Ever-dutifully yours, Sanzabooku the Maid.
PS: If you have any side-suggestions for ways to improve the blog, all are welcome.
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