0-12

 So I guess saying "Daily" blog post was a half truth [as all things are in life] its a more 1-3 days then post, anyways I'll tell you guys my dream since Puppy Paladin is so dick-whipped I don't even have a conversation with them unless its talking about their boyfriend which is...getting tiring? Like I'm happy for her, candidly and sincerely but I can't listen day in and out about a guy who seems pretty standard fare good-stuff and its pretty much eradicating any time we used to hang out, which is ironic and funny because they keep going "don't worry I'm making sure this relationship doesn't impede on the other people in my life" which again is fine, I don't mind when people delude themselves or are hypocritical in non-damaging ways when we pretend we're incapable of that ourselves thats when we lie to oursleves the most ya know? We are parts of our sins and thats okay speaking of which random background like 7 years ago I made a deal [gone wrong] with a demon with some friends we all got slightly miffed in different ways except one because the caveat to the demon is you gotta be honest about your hearts truest desire and won't lie, was a dumb kid didn't know myself that well yet but lately I feel like I get it now, I know what I need to ask for in order to progress that storyline, now I just need two others in a coven to reproach the big boi and do it proper this time. 

    Right so my dream, also its kinda weird having a para-social relationship with the GRANDE VOID OF THE SPACE BETWEEN DATA OF THE INTERNET which is just a way of saying me ranting to a digital wall. The dream now, so I had three-ish kinda interlinked into eachother the first being, I'm okay I usually like ranting these to friends but people are kinda too busy today, I think I'll just let these aetherize instead so onto other topics of the day learning guitar is annoying because its so monetized to hell in back that legitametly I might just have to go the ol' way of picking a song, listening to it looking up how to play the specific cords in the song probably just in TAB format and learning to play that way! The current song I wanna learn is called "Heartstrings Come Undone" by Demon Slayer [not the anime] Its Demon Hunter, MB dawg, MB. So thats that front I'm just scooping up all the free lessons I can and inbetween gonna practice this also saw Bagel's video on HRT [horse racing test] that seemed super badass so I figured since I can't just not be edgy for five seconds I wanna make one on dogfighting, I think it'd probably get removed from BLSKY so I'd probably just post them into my blog, obv gotta learn that that's more Java/C but since I have a goal it'd be easier for me to learn honestly so I'll probably haitus Assembly and focus on that and make uh either SALVATION or AMIELORATION kinda bummed out, Red knows  programming so I sent him the video and said "hey I know its a lil long but watch this I wanna do a project with you" and he just refused to watch the video and started talking about himself, not gonna lie kinda going through a depressive episode I'm back to playing pillar everyone wants me to exist in the ways they need but I'm kinda second in my own story, its all good I'll make my own space and my own time to feel alive, I've been getting better at that. So thats the project on that front, I know I'm always talking about projects but I gotta do soemthing to make life feel real ya know? Starling had a good first day at her job so I'm very happy for her, not in a bad way but from survival dating to slowly creeping up my personal ranks Starlings strategy has been simple: not forget I exist, and damn is it working lul. Lets ee..oh my cheap chinese Amp blew something and now has a constant low hum which is cool I guess  when I have the money I'll have to get a different one or learn how to fix it which isn't the worst idea to be fair,tryna learn how to engage the world not just passively exist in it. uh its the next month so I gotta start working on my next pr0nbot which is great its kinda fun but I'm gonna wait till a night im way more vibing with it, ya know? Forcing it will just make it soullless. Think that covers the last few days any other floating thoughts...? I'm tired I guess, I like my friends but when they up and get their own lives which is just how it goes not upset I'm okay, I don't feel the need to fill that hole I can just entertain myself, learn a skill, produce ya know I feel myself maturing and I don't hate it but its in ways I didn't see myself going.

    Got a new notebook from my work, gonna start doodling in it, never been an artist but you gotta plant the seed somewhere and I wanna make a comic

STRAY DOG ,  Maybe I'll post some storyboarding stuff but I want it to be a light novel-esque story about just tryna exist when you're incompatible with the world, I think it'd be nice.

    I think I'm...depressed, I know I'm always in emotional turmoil, and when someones always in emotional turmoil how are you supposed to care? So I get it just the distractions of all the projects are starting to wear kinda thin I don't know, I'm tryna live for me but I'm a social mutt of a cat, I don't do well alone. Sometimes I worry all I smell like is dried blood and wind.

Anyways, abstractly [this word is now gonna be assocaited with TADC huh? I liked it way before then] yours, Sanzabooku the Maid