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WOOH WE HIT IT TEN POSTS [first one doesn't count cuz that was just testing the water] good jobteam! Ngl kinda abosolutely ssloshed rN so don't expect too much, today was just sleeping till 5PM like a loser cuz I took a nyquil last night since my noussy [nose pussy] was so fucking PACKEd that I couldn't breeathe so I big eeped and then like a professional vicitim my drem was about ebing someone who beleeived in a monotheastitc religion when it was banned? w i l d but it exploreed a lor more themes [speak about my dreams like bad indie films lul] but yeah existing wild right? remember never get hung up on a moment orrisk becoming a hzabin [thats now trademarked you gotta type has-been] but yeah, me now. So I played with my girlfriendStarling some icebreaker game that was kinda fun ngl also if you're wondering when it turns from "o-X- to '1-X] its when the episode's vibe changes, tahts them the rules its based on the season and I started this blog in season..5..? lets see Season 0, unrecalled, season 1 young childhood, season 2 divorce & fun, season 3 draagon years, season 4hawaiaan Ness and season 5 would be neon age so yeah season five or chapter 0 for the blog is accurate probably when I move to fag city [said with love, I love kissing allgenders] will beseason 6 and chapter 1 here. anyways now thats transcribedlets talk more, because ofschudele shit I have today off great for the mindand soul not so great for the wallet ya know? I hear sitcom laughter from the other room, I hope i'm worth all the suffering on stage sometimes ya know, because for me its just a lotta heartache. been lacking on guitar need to continue surrisnlgy proud of myself for my blog even though its just me for now I mdde it to ten, uh Puppy Paladin has been dick-whipped by her boyfriend so we probably won't hear about her for a second, Red is addicted to their suffering so they'll keep putting themseleves in malformed situatuions and between you and me?I don't think I'll see them in the city of fags, I thinkthey'll always find a reason to berunning from themselves and I get it, I used to constantly be running from myself and like when Hex abused me when he was my first boyfriend, though we were both at faults in our own ways being so young its not even I was faster or stronger he just got bored of having a sycophantic cocksleeve and as for my demons? I just wasn't fast enough, so I had to sit down, know them, realize it was just a part of that room in my head I got, the room for the hurtbox'd where you never grew, the part of me that'll be forever 12 I pretend is never in scene, the parts of me I figure if I bury hard and long enough they'll finally suffocate but... its me, they are all me. [poured my last drink for the night only half the whitney but its okay, I'm not competing with anything its all for me] I'm aqware of how much of the narrative you get to hear about me so I try to make sure its fair and you guys get to see/hearmore of me more than i'm "comfortable with" by that I just mean the point of this was to let myself go and maybe see seen by fans [Pending, need to actually practice guitar more then post music lul] [got 5 songsz left htne Im watching a movie with starling to type] but yeah justlife and liminality was the point of today's post and my ever struggled to not get all BPD's and over-care about what is nothings to everyone else whichHAS been a strugglwe that only this year when im already and old man have gotten a handle on. I've been thinking about that lately I can't say Ive met anyone else who's need totrune out was as violent as mine no one else I met was like "oh yeah 14-16 years old I would jsut cry violently on the bathroom floor at 3AM because I didn't have a womb"its always "Oh yeah I mean...I guess I always preffered skirts ya know?" Im like homie if I was told to sacrifice12 virgins I woulda done it in a heartbeat, obv Im not like that these days gottouched toomany times and now I say I float more neat the non-binary area than anything elseplus when I was switching over with Puppy Paladin I saw like..how excited she was to get into a new box? a new box of social taboos, of things we HAVEto wear way we HAE toact and
I was like...Homie I'm already the pariah of society I'll just be free and do whatever I wanr ya know? Jeus this post is messy good thing I don'tmave any actual viewers lul. Thinking of selling pics of me kinda a tranny tradition but Im still nowhere where i desire myself but I hear theres always a buyer no matter how you look so I'llthink about it. [Not sure im gonna survive this last cup th] Honestly now thatStarling is working moving to COF even if no one else comes is...fine, I love my people but I can't be the one always waiting up ya know? IDK we'll see, bleh feel so exposed in this small post I think maybe once my blog when/if it hits any amount of moderate views I'll probably remove this post, only you the early viewer get to see me pookie~ >^-^<
I cant tell you what im thinking but every day im getting sicker
but every day im getting sicker
God I love worse together by Venus and the Flytraps, used to be my duest song with Aurrumnis [new character?! I know] which has a long of mixed vibes on it but as of one of the songs I know all by heart aswell as sccisor sisters "Ca n't decide', sometimes I hatehow the last blood between me and Aurumnis was spilt but it couldn't be prevented atleast not the ways we we're growing I know by now they see me as some infernal jhinn like beast but I almost miss them,they were dear to me and it sducks letting go of them completely but thats how time apsses, we go with theflow or get stuck on a nothing-upon-a-time also speaking ofwounds that refuse to close the back of my ankle keeps tryna heal weird then when I move my foot rips right open and stinging which sucks ass which isnt IDEAL per say, man I've been swearing and using incendiary words since I was litarally six [nice literaially] [fuck] [fuck fuck] since I was a smol bean, guess I just always been extra,much to the dismay of my parents who trieed my entire youth to clean up my language to no avail obviously. [two songsleft] well shit homies I need a name for my fans like one directons has directioners, and beiber fans are called belibeers [he's come up twice,I promise im not a justin BB fan] so you guys will be known as S"YCOPHANTS sorry..COCKSUCKERS...nah just whatever im feelinga tm anyways we're out of time so heresameme
Playout [1:36] sometimes I wonder if I was worth it ya know, I didn't make it this far on my own I think of all the blood, enerhy time spilt over me when I was draconic and a monster, people who even if I wanted I could never each again, or more importantly would never want to hear from me again because even now they're nursing the wounds from me. Promise me you won't forget this, I NEED you to promise this okay?
I will hurt you and thats okay.
and you'll hurt me and that's okay.
We bear teeth and fangs as much as we do hugs and kisses.
Obv it should never be on purpose but we hurt eachother and its okay, life is complicated, and we alll have jagged edges and its important to hold one another even when it gouges us, because sometimes we're monster who just needed a hug.
I know I was.
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