Sanza The Maid

 So I'm usually bad about posting on my blog during the weekend but I have a laptop now so now I have no excuse! So its sunday currently and we did have a funeral for a nobody we didn't know to attend but my Starling has seemed to slept through the entire thing since she just got back onto her sleep meds, so 'd prefer her well rested personally, I think practicing self aware greed is a trait we can all benefit from. So saturday,woke up feeling like p.diddy...sucks I can't sing that anymore given the whole ya know   PEDO   thing that happened [been happening, RIP JustinBeiber we were far too cruel to you, hope you find peace now king] oh so one of the things I'm fucking with on my laptop is my background who's affectionately named TONI who'll be on the bottom of the post because apparently I'm a DAMN FOOL and don't know how the fuck to format images its all good as I add more images to my blog I'm sure I'll figure it out, oh named my guitar Ro...

    So, not enough really happens in my day-to-day life to write a several paragraph blog daily post EVERY-TIME so I've decided I'll start just doing some random creative writing for the "Down" days so I'll first catch ya up and then I'll write the creative prompt. So as for today my Starling god a job!! She ahd one but it was inconsistent hours and because of the amount of driving she had to do sometimes we'd lose money if the shift got cancelled and she was already driving @^@ [See, it replaced an exclamation mark just fine there, more research needed.] so I'm super excited plus its some italian cafe dealio which seems cool, I'm glad to see her grow when we first got together she lied and got fired because she just didn't have the ingenuity to work, now she's slowly gaining ideals and ambitions which I'm proud of, I honestly don't think I'm her forever but I'm glad I could be part of her journey and know her, so today was ...

Honestly, not enough happened, sincerest apologies.     Sanzabooku the Maid

      First of all I'd like to apologize, I know the audience right now consists of only my delusions but regardless the main point of this blog is release and respite as well as some semblance of structure, which not posting for two days isnt great so we have a few days to catch up on and will do so in order! Friday: Friday was a normal day until around 2PM when Borzoid hit me up out of nowhere and was like "hey been a second, hanging with my wifes new GF and you should hang a second with us as well!" And in true tranny fashion the idea was just do something,  anything [?] creative like draw, make some tunes [The GF had a guitar with them]  so we hung out at my apartment and Borzoid offered me some grass, had some and I admite grass just makes me more devious -w- so me and Borzoid had a shot then went out to a food hall to chill for s econd, wasn't bad had some overpriced brisket fries and potato salad which wasn't bad and got along with the GF after we bonded ...

 Welcome back Censorcity to another lovely day! Atleast I hope it was, I literally washed down my morning medication with a shot of Nyquil and fucking EEPY-MEEMY the whole day away had some neat dreams, sadly can't transcribe them they are already beyond faded. So I guess today's topics are up in the air should they be: The nature of relationships [option 1] Excitment for tomorrow since I get my packages [option 2] or maximum amounts of schizo-posting [option 3]     If you answered "An indeterminent mix of all of the above" you'd be correct. Also its come to my attention my type might be "Washed up has-been" which I'm sure I'll fully process in about a decade, but in the meantime I'll just be serenaded by losers tales of their glory days and their main story they've told for the N-th time. My dear friend Red heard I wanted to do Maidcore and sent me the most aggressive rendition of "Noise" [they were missing about two layers ...

      You can tell when someones missing you because they start to admire the parts they found annoying, I guess an inspirer for my music as well a dear friend sent me a short shoegaze mix, well his approximation the aggressive ramp near the second half was hardly in spirit but that makes it more in spirit in my opinion, bought all the jazz to get started myself I can feel the roar and I need to outpace it this time, lest I get caught in its wake again.That was honestly more of a welcome surprise than anything and I need to pay more attention when I'm transcribing something I'm riddled with spelling errors. >Talk'bout anything in the world, blog is your oyster.     Still sick, extra delulu today didn't get much sleep, so been up too long, got manic bought all the supplies I need to start recording anything just basic starter equipment but I'm a level 1 dork so not a bad start and I have no delusions I understand this will be a learning curve and journey which...

      Being sick sucks.Its that low nervous system buzz where you're functional just slightly numb, way too hot or cold and just wanna crash and finally rest constantly, I think a single rest of night sleep would do me wonders but alas I am a night walker and must remain working despite my body yearning. Starting a blog has been weird, I tried multiple times to keep a journal/diary but just couldn't, don't know if I was actaully just that bad of keeping track of the notebooks or if I just rather try to burn all my history like I always do, I don't keep souveniers or memorbillia, atleast I try not to every now and then I slip up and get sentimental, keep soemthing even though I know I just wanna annhiliate it.     God I really gotta work on not being such a gloomy edgelord ;P     Jokes aside keeping a blog that's technically never meant to be seen is way cheaper than therapy, speaking of which how we all doing now that any sort of mental healthcare is s...

Can you feel your face when you wake up or does it stay numb for a few hours?     Guess morning for me, night for everyone else I don't hate being a nightwalker but it certainly is a different form of existence, there's a sacredness to being able to exist during the twilight hours that all else ceases to be but a lonliness unique to feeling as if you exist in opposition to the grande world as a whole. Got a lot of wandering thoughts for today No.1: I miss you, or atleast...I want to miss you, I think the magnitude it hurt me over you when we started parting ways just due tot he nature of distance and time ravaged me much more than you, perhaps for that same reason my dear borzoid thats why it no longer tears at me, you still haunt some of my dreams and sometimes I want to message you, oh in a soft shamefulness the kind that while you're feeling flustered you can't help but smile I think of all the times I'd text you drunk or we'd make excuses for why we'd ha...

Numbers, always damn numbers when I get tired, when I feel my spoke loosen from hard facts and the logical circuits that govern reality. I slip into numerals, a psuedo-clad weave that underlines all of what makes up what we consider truth and gospel  [Guess this makes it tranny schizo post no.1] Flowering geometrical patterns between eyeblinks, flowing charts governing emotion, feelings, intent and fears as colored and different weighted numbers that their hues divine them into separate mathematic processes  I used to fear liminality when I was a child, terrified when I woke up the new me would be a farce replica of the yesterthoughts self. Then it happened, I woke up and all the parts were the same but the configuration was off, then again and again while I tried to force myself into a co tinous chain at the start once I accepted that I was changing constantly but it wasn't a destructive conjuction occurring, it was growth, growth isn't discovering one's self it's the ...

 Genesis:  Whats up losers, I've never made a blog before so here we go im an insufferable cat forced into the shape of a human, I'm a dipsomaniac, I have poor and crude spellings, I'm full of ravenous ambiton though my own idleness keep me stranded. I love idealism, philosophy, being a punk and just rambling. This blog isn't exactly meant to be seen by anyone more accting as an open diary, cuz why the fuck not ya know? I'm a liminal beastie and everyday I only feel like i'm 60% of the person that was "me" yesterday, I don't want it to sound frightening because it isn't its just like...being sentient water ya know? All the same parts just a different composition. Obviously for my peoples sake I will not be usint their actual names for anything, well thats all for now I'll be daily uploading my thoughts. Current wants: Get into maidcore music. [Improve my maid outfit, can't be having some party-central ass maid dress while I play]  Fix a...