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     Being sick sucks.Its that low nervous system buzz where you're functional just slightly numb, way too hot or cold and just wanna crash and finally rest constantly, I think a single rest of night sleep would do me wonders but alas I am a night walker and must remain working despite my body yearning. Starting a blog has been weird, I tried multiple times to keep a journal/diary but just couldn't, don't know if I was actaully just that bad of keeping track of the notebooks or if I just rather try to burn all my history like I always do, I don't keep souveniers or memorbillia, atleast I try not to every now and then I slip up and get sentimental, keep soemthing even though I know I just wanna annhiliate it.

    God I really gotta work on not being such a gloomy edgelord ;P

    Jokes aside keeping a blog that's technically never meant to be seen is way cheaper than therapy, speaking of which how we all doing now that any sort of mental healthcare is so expensive and is most likely gonna get you pink starred! Too soon?

    I was supposed to work on my [Calamity] TCG today, figured out the angle I wanted on it, just been feeling the need to re-engage with life, the nearing of catastrophy even if it doesn't effect me/I over come it is a momento mori even if I don't ever do something succesful with my life its important to try to atleast, I think we could all benefit with just the attempt, atleast positive attempts I know when things suck those aren't the sort of attempts any of us are thinking about. As for the card game I just wanna take advantage of the fact they are cards ya know? Upside down, right side up, sideways, shuffling into your deck, their deck, hands, piles, tucking [heh] ecetera. I think the idea of a passion project failing meaning that your a fundemental failure is the worst train of thought that has afflicted the masses, the idea that arts, projects, even things like writing is like a.."Pros only" type'a sport is bad for the general conciousness of the public thats only exasperated by the advent of generative A.I. giving people a cheap easy out, where they felt like they created something but din't due any of the diligence and this isn't from some purist stance like theres necesericall-, fuck you know the word that it implies a moral failure to use any sort of tools what I mean by it in my perspective candidly that the hardship and sometimes failure helps us sometimes, that want to do better because it wasn't exactly what you wanted feeling is good. I'm not saying to the degree "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" but in a healthy context some adversity and push back is good for us to reach where we want, and its important ironically that we don't see it that way, slaying our dragons doesn't work if we see the puppet strings on the dragon now does it?

    Speaking of AI-Slop, my chatbot got three more follows and I said if it ever got more than 2 in a month [up to 5] I'd make another one, so guess I gotta follow through on that. Wish me luck! Update; got the starting part down, maybe tomorrow if not the end of today it'll be done, correction about "half" way done but its kinda fun actually tryna invent the entire history of an OC, despite it being just a cumbot at the end of the day I'm treating it like you would an OC when you're a cringe tweenager and its kinda a blast.

    Sometimes I miss being a furry tbh. Though I have no clue what my sona would even be

Think I officially well "officially" have an online presence, not presence as in seen I mean for the first time in the two and a half decades of my existence I've chosen not to hide any trace of my existence. Also good fuckin' lord LinkTree tries to instantly pimp you out
>"yeah I might like use this for business in the future" 
>> "You should sell time slots for people to talk to you and hawk products N O W"
>>> "....Right..."


    Last notes for today: I wanna get a bento box for my Starling and make her lunches for three reasons
1: Maidcore isn't a genre its a lifestyle [This is a lie because maid core in the traditional sense is using a preselected amount of maids from some pre-existing media I can't recall and is heavily russian, when I actually make Maid core stuff I''ll be somewhat of a dark horse just kinda forcing my way into it]

2: I miss cooking? With my old Coven I used to cook all the time with them and it was a fucking blast, on top of just the general joy of engaging with cooking it'll help us all eat healthier.

3: Starling sucks at eating. Its true, adore her with all my heart but she doesn't eat enough and well, so if I can make her lunch instead of her sneaking a McDonalds everyday and pretending she had to because she had a coupon that day then I'd be happier and more fulfilled as a partner.

So thats all for now 
                Sincerely yours, Sanzabooku The Maid