Sanza The Maid

 I don't really have much to say been tryna clean the aprtment, got into practicing self-harm which is hella baller gotta say didbn't get it before but the cuting really does actually still everything for a few minutes..them it goes right back so gotta mix some drinking in there if you wanna get anywhere uh, fuck dude I don't know. I don't even gotta kill myself the Gestapo will do it for me. Your ever-liminal maid, Malacoda.

 Been throwing up a lot, not doing great, finally broke up with Kit not super great, honestly tried my hardest but only working 3 months in a 14 month period and paying a total of 200$ in rent when I said I wanted a 50/50 relationship [and still making me do all the chores] wasn't gonna work, can't be trapped like that, not again meaning that now that I appraoch being 25 I've given literally all the entirety of my youth to taking care of white girls named [###], thats 4+ years of my life I won't get back, fuck me. like... Fuck. No website or anything this month Either king broke down, stilll needs tires and I had to replace his battery. I'm living the god damn dream, uh don't have a round table anymore different reason for all of them and my world feels smaller and smaller which is fun   my chest feels like im gonna have a heart attack constantly, constantly wanna throw up and like fuck dawg  I'm not sure how I'm making it, wasn't supposed to pussied...

  This isn’t a story, atleast not in the traditional sense of an introduction, growth, climax, twist and then ending. Its a subtle but desperate attempt to actually exit for a brief moment in a shape that perhaps, maybe, with uncertainty I can be seen, being seen is always a fun phrase I think we all say “to be seen” but I think maybe by expecting strictly coherent words from one another we’ve shackled eachother into mundanity I atleast don’t think that when we get to the soft...ichor/nectar/blood that flows like syrup of our persona and personalities [I think these are different things that due to the nature of our world be develop in tandem, personality is the actual us, the actual me and you the ones that are selfish not in a malicious way but that constantly yearn even if its illogical/destructive and then the persona is the slit-filled mask we put on top that lets whatever we deem "safe"/Productive/Comfortable/non-hazardous enough to pour through into the outer-reality] ...